Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
