Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
