Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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