if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
