Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
