dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
