I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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