why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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