I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
