Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
