from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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