i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
