when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
