Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
