handjob tips. give me some.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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