you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
