We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
