We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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