i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
