I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize