He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
