Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
