you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
