Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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