I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
