he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
