"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
