I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
