batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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