Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
