drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
