hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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