so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
