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If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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