I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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