im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
