hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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