All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
