Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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