By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
