Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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