this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
