The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
