I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
