I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
