and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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