You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
