just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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