so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You ruined the universe
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize