Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please, let me fuck your mom
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
