I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
