Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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