Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
