how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
