Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
