New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
