Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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