Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
