I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
