I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
