i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
