one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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