Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize