Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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