Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
