he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
