So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
