So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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