I smell stomach acid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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