Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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