You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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