Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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