I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize