I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
