I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
