I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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