I am in a vortex of obligation.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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