she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
