Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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