I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
