Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
